Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
