We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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