No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i came on her dog
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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