Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We're facebook friends in real life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Couch. On fire.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
