what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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