so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
