The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize