OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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