peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
