Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't turn off my feet"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The uberlube is also flammable
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
