I CAN MOONWALK!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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