He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
