he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just found puke in my bra..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
