Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
