the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
