I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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