so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
