You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
