there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
