Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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