It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
