This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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