i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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