Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
