3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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