I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
