true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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