Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
