Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
