A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
