How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
