Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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