she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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