Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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