If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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