Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
