i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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