Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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