2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
