so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
