i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
