Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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