thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
