All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
