3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
