This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
