just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
