She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
