yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
