I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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