i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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